A Sad Article

A Sad Article I

2004-10-22T01:36:00.000+08:00

Good reading article. This is a wonderful and touching story of a shanghai couple. It can happen to any of us.

#Moral of the story. Let's not be blinded by that moment of anger. There is no shame to seek forgiveness and to give forgiveness. It's worth your time to read the story till the end. This story has 6 parts in order to make it more convenient to read.

Enjoy the reading and give some comments after finish reading it..

This is a true story taken from "Family". In this story, I will act as Flora.

Cruel misunderstandings one after another disrupted the blissful footsteps to our family. Our original intend of having our mother enjoy some quiet and peaceful moments in her remaining years with us went terribly wrong as destiny's secret is finally revealed at a price, everything became too late.

Just two years after marriage, hubby brought up the idea of asking mother to move from the rural hometown and spend her remaining years with us. Hubby's father passed away while he was still very young. Mother endured much hardship and struggled all on her own to provide for him, see him through to a university degree. You could say that she suffered a great deal and did everything you could expect of a woman to bring hubby to where he is today.

I immediately agreed and started packing the spare room which has a balcony facing the South to let her enjoy the sunshine and plant some greenery. Hubby stood in the bright room, and suddenly just picked me up and started spinning me round and round. As I begged him to put me down, he said: "Let's go fetch mother." Hubby is tall and big sized and I love to rest on his chest and enjoy the feeling that he could pick me up at any moment and put the tiny me into his pockets. Whenever we have an arguement and both refuses to back down, he would pick me up and spin me over his head continuously until I surrender and beg for mercy. I became used to this kind of panic-joy feeling.

Mother brought along her countryside habits and lifestyle with her. For examples; I am so used to buying flowers everyday home to decorate the living room, she could not stand it and would comment: " I do not know how you young people spend your money, why do you buy flowers for? You also can't eat the flowers!" I smiled and said: "Mom, with flowers in the house, our mood will also become better." Mother continues to grumble away, and hubby smiled: "Mom, this is a city-people's habit; slowly you will get use to it.

To be continued..

A Sad Article II

2004-10-21T10:14:00.000+08:00

Mother stopped saying anything. But everytime thereafter, whenever I came home with flowers, she would ask me how much it costs. I told her and she would shake her head express displeasure. Sometimes, when I come home with lots of shopping bags, she would ask each and every item how much they cost, I would tell her honestly and she would get even more upset about it. Hubby playfully pinched my nose and said: "You little fool, just don't tell her the real price of everything would solve it." There begins the friction to our otherwise happy lifestlye.

Mother hates it most when hubby wakes up early to prepare the breakfast. In your view, how would the man of the house cook for the wife? At the breakfast table, mother's facial expression is always like the dark clouds before the thunderstorm and I would pretend not to notice. She would use her chopsticks to make a lot of noise with it as her silent protest. As I am a dance teacher at the Children's Palace and is exhausted from a long day of dancing around, I do not wish to give up the luxury of that additional few minutes in the comfort of my bed and hence I turned a deaf ear to all the protest that mother makes.

From time to time, mother would help out with some housework, but soon her help created additional work for me. For example: she would keep all kinds of plastic bags and accumulating them so that she sell them later on, and that resulted in our house being filled with all the trash bags; she would scrimp on dish washing detergent when helping to wash the dishes and as not to hurt her feelings, I would quietly wash them again.

One day, late at night, mother saw me quietly washing the dishes, and "Bam!" She slams her bedroom door hard and cried very loudly in her room. Hubby was placed in a difficult position and after that, he did not speak to me for that entire night. I pretended to be a spoilt child, tried acting cute, but he totally ignored me. I got mad and asked him: " What did I do wrong?" Hubby stared at me and said: "Can't you just give in to her once? We couldn't possibly die eating from a bowl however unclean it is, right?"

After that incident for a long period of time, mother did not speak to me and you can feel that there is a very awkward feeling hanging in the house. During that period of cold war, hubby was caught in dilemma as to who to please.

In order to stop her son from preparing breakfast, mother took on the "all important" task of preparing breakfast without any prompting. At the breakfast table, mother would look at hubby happily eating his breakfast and cast that reprimanding stare at me for having failed to perform my duty as a wife. To avoid the embarassing breakfast situation, I resorted to buying my own breakfast on my way to work.

That night, while in bed, hubby was a little upset and asked me: "Flora, is it because you think mom's cooking is not clean and that's why you chose not to eat at home?" He then turned his back on me and left me alone in tears as feeling of unfairness overwhelmed me. After some time, hubby sighed: "Flora, just for me, can you have breakfast at home?" I am left with no choice but to return to the breakfast table.

To be continued..

A Sad Article III

2004-10-21T09:16:00.000+08:00

The next morning, I was having porridge prepared by mother and I felt a sudden churn in my stomach and everything in seem to be rushing up my throat. I tried to suppress the urge to throw up but I couldn't. I threw down the bowl and rushed into the washroom and vomited everything out. Just as I was catching breath, I saw mother crying and grumbling very loudly in her dialect, hubby was standing at the washroom doorway staring at me with fire burning in his eyes. I opened my mouth but no words came out of it, I really didn't mean it.

We had our very first big fight that day. Mother took a look at us, then stood up and slowly made her way out of the house. Hubby gave me a final stare in the eye and followed mother down the stairs.

For three days, hubby did not return home, not even a phone call. I was so furious, since mother arrived; I had been trying my best putting up with her. What else do you want me to do? For no reason, I keep having the feeling to throw up and I simply have no appetite for food, coupled with all the events happening at home, I was at the low point in my life. Finally, a colleague said: "Flora, you look terrible, you should go and see a doctor."

The doctor confirmed that I'm pregnant. Now it became clear to me why I threw up that fateful morning, a sense of sadness floated through that otherwise happy news. Why didn't hubby, and mother who had been through this before, though og the possibility of this being the reason that day? At the hospital entrance, I saw my hubby standing there. It had only been three days, but he looked haggard. I had wanted to turn and leave, but one look at him soften my heart, I couldn't resist and called out to him. He followed my voice and finally found me but he pretended that he doesn't know me. He has that disgusted look in his eyes that cut right through my heart.

I told myself not to look at him anymore and hail a cab. At that moment, I have such a strong urge beside me to shout to my hubby: "Darling, I am having your baby!" and have him lift me up and spin me around in circles of joy. What i wanted didn't happen and as i sat in the cab, my tears started rolling down. Why? Why our love couldn't withstand the test of one fight? Back home, I lay on the bed thinking about my hubby, and the disgusted look in his eyes. I cried and wet the corner of the blanket.

That night, sound of the drawers opening woke me up. I switched on the lights and I sawhubby with tears rolling down his face. He was removing the money. I stared at him in silence but he ignored me and took the bank deposit for good. What a rational man, so clear-cut in love and money matters. I gave a few dried laugh and tears starting streaming down again.

The next day, I did not go to work. I wanted to clear this out and have a good talk with hubby. I reached his office and his secretary gave me a weird look and said: "Mr. Tan's mother had a traffic accident and is now in the hospital." I stood there in shock. I rushed to the hospital and by the time I found hubby, mother had already passed away. hubby did not look at me, his face was expressionless.

I looked at mother's pale white and thin face and I couldn't control the tears in my eyes. My god, how could this happen? Throughout the funeral, hubby didn't say a single word to me, with only the occasional disgusted stare at me. I only managed to find out brief facts about the accident from other people. That day after mother left the house, she walked in dazed towards the bus stop, apparently intending to go back to her old house back in the countryside. As hubby ran after her, she tried to walk faster and as she tried to cross the street, a public bus came out and hit her.

To Be Continued..

A Sad Article IV

2004-10-21T09:08:00.000+08:00

I finally understood how much hubby must hate me, if i had not thrown up that morning, if we had not quarreled, if..

In his heart, I am indirectly the killer of his mother. Hubby mover into mother's room and came home every night with a strong liquor smell on him. And me, I am buried under the guilt and self pity and could hardly breathe. I wanted to explain to him, tell him that we are going to have our baby soon, but each time, I saw the dead look in his eyes, all the words I had at the brink of my mouth just fell back in. I had rather he hit me real hard or give me a big and thorough scolding though none of there events happening had been at my fault at all.

Many days of suffocating silence went by and as the days went by, hubby came home later and later. The deadlock between us continues, we were living together like strangers who don't know each other. I am like the dead knot in his heart.

One day, I passed by a Western restaurant, looking into the glass window, I saw hubby and a girl sitting facing each other and he very lightly brushed her hair for her, I understood what it meant.

After recovering from that moment of shock, I entered the restaurant, stood infront of my hubby and stared hard at him, not a tear in my eyes. I have nothing to say to him, and there is no need to say anything.

The girl looked at me, looks at hubby, stands up and wanted to go but hubby stretched out his hand and grabbed her. He stared back at me, challenging me. I can only hear my slow ehart beat, beating, one by one as if at the brink of death. I eventually backed down, If i had stood that any longer, I will collapsed together with the abby inside me.

That night, he did not come home, he had chosen to use that way as a way to indicate to me: Following mother's death so did our love for each other. He did not come home anymore after that. Sometimes, when i returned home from work, I can tell that the cupboard had been touched - he had returned to take some of his stuff.

I no longer wish to call him; the initial desire to explain everything to him vanished. I lived alone; I go for my medical checkups alone, my heart breaks again and again everytime i see a guy carefully helping his wife through the physical examination. My office colleagues hinted to me about considering aborting this baby, perhaps it is my way of repaying mother for causing her death.

One day, I came home and I saw hubby sitting in the living room. The whole house was filled with cigarette smoke. On the coffee table, there was this piece of paper. I know what it is all about without even looking at it.

In the two months plus of living alone, I have gradually learned to find peace within myself. I looked at him, removed my hat and said: "You wait a while, I will sign." he looked at me, mixed feelings in his eyes, just like mine, as I hang up my coat, I keep repeating to myself "You cannot cry, you cannot cry." My eyes hurt terribly, but i refused to let the tears to roll down.

To be continued..

A Sad Article V

2004-10-21T08:55:00.000+08:00

After I hung up my coat, hubby's eyes stared fixed at my bulging tummy. I smiled, walked over to the coffee table and pull the paper towards me. Without even looking at what it says, I signed my name on it and pushed the paper back to him.

He asked: "Flora, are you pregnant?" Since mother's accident this is the first time he spoke to me. I could not control my tears any further and they fell like raindrops. I said: "Yes, but it's ok, you can leave now." He did not go, in the dark, we sat, facing each other.

Hubby slowly moved over me, his tears started to roll down. In my heart, everything seems so far away, so far that even if I sprint, I could never reach them.

I cannot remember how many times he repeated the word "sorry" to me, I had originally thought that I would forgive him, but now I can't. In the Western restaurant, infront of that girl, that cold look in his eyes, I will never forget, never! We have drawn such deep scares in each other's heart. For me, it's unintentional but for him, it's totally intentional.

I had been waiting for this moment of reconciliation, but i realized now, what had gone past is gone forever and could not be repeated again. Other than the thought of the baby inside me that would brign me some warmth to my heart, I am totally cold towards him, I no longer eat anything he buys for me, I don't take any presents from him and i stopped talking to him. From the moment I signed that piece of paper, marriage and love had vanished from my heart.

Sometimes hubby will try to come into my bedroom but when he walks in, I walked out to the living room so he had no choice but to sleep in mother's room. At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of groaning, I kept queit. This used to be his trick last time whenever I ignore him, he would fake illness and I will surrender and find out what is wrong with him and he would then grab me and laugh. he has forgotten that last time, I cared for him and I am concerned because there is love but now, what is there between us?

Hubby's groaning come on and off continuing all the way till our baby was born. Almost everyday, he would buy something for the baby such as infant products, children products and books that children like to read. Bags and bags of it stacked inside his room till it was full. I know he is trying to use this to reach out to me but I no longer moved by his actions. He has no choice but to lock himself in his room and I can hear his typing away on his computer keyboard, maybe he is now addicted to the web surfing but none of that matters to me anymore.

It was sometime towards the end of spring in the following year, one late night, I screamed because of a suddent stomach pain, hubby came rushing into the room, it's like he did not change or sleep and had been waiting for this moment. He carried me and ran down the stairs, stopped a car, holding my hand very tightly and kept wiping sweat off my fore head throughout the journey to the hospital. Once we reached the hospital, he carried me and hurried to the delivery suite. Lying on the back of his skinny but warmth body, a though crossed my mind: In my lifetime, who else would love me as much as he did?

He held the delivery suite door opened and watch me go in, his warm eyes caused me to managed a smile at him despite my contraction pain.

To be continued..

A Sad Article VI

2004-10-21T08:45:00.000+08:00

Coming out of the delivery room, hubby looked at our son and me, his eyes had tears roll down with joy and he kept smiling. I reached out and touched his hand. Hubby looked at me, smiling and then he slowly collapsed onto the floor. I cried out for him in pain. He smiled, but without opening that tired eyes of his. I had thought that i would never shed any tear for him, but the truth is, I have never felt a deeper pain cutting through my body at that moment.

The doctor told me that by the time hubby discoverd that he had liver cancer, it was already in terminal stage and it was a miracle that he managed to last this long. I asked the doctor when did he first discover that he had cancer? The doctor said about 5 months ago and consoled me saying "Prepare for his funeral." I disregarded the nurse's objection and rushed home, I went into his room and checked his computer and a suffocating pain hits me.

Hubby's cancer was discovered 5 months ago and all the while, his groaning was real and I even had the though of that it was a fake. I had thought that he used to do a lot of keyboard work every night so i checked the computer and it showed over 200 thousand words, he wrote for our son: "Son, just for you, I have persisted, to be able to take a look at you before i fall is my biggest wish now. I know that in your life, you will have many happiness and maybe some setbacks if only i can accompany you throughout that journey, how nice would it be. But daddy now longer has that chance. Daddy has written inside here all the possible difficulties and problems you may encounter during your lifetime, when you meet with these problems, you can refer to daddy's suggestion. Son, after writing these 200 thousand words, I feel as if i have accompanied you through your life journey. To be honest, daddy is very happy. Do love your mother, she has suffered, she is the one who loves you most and also the one who loves me most."

> From play school to primary school, to secondary, to university, to work and even in dealing with questions of love, everything big and small was written there.

Hubby also written a letter for me:

"My dear, to marry you is my biggest happiness, forgive me for the pain I have caused you, forgive me for not telling you my illness because I want to see you be in a joyful mood waiting for the arrival of our baby. My dear, if you cried, it means that you have forgiven me and I would smile and thank you for loving me. These presents, I'm afraid I cannot give them to our son personally, could you help me to give some of them to him every year, the dates on what to give when are all written on the packaging."

Going back to the hospital, hubby is still in coma. I brought our son over and placed beside him. I said: "Open your eyes and smile, I want our son to remember being the warmth of your arms."

He struggled to open his eyes and managed a weak smile. Our son still in his arms was happily waving his tiny hands in the air. I press the button on the camera and the sound of the shutter rang through the air as tears slowly rolled down my face.

The end..